She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

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In other words, think of having sex as something which doesn’t include penetration for at least the first 45 minutes. What it does – is three stages: foreplay, coreplay, and moreplay. Once you’ve established a rhythm that increases her arousal and continues to build anticipation, Kerner says you can introduce manual stimulation with your hands and fingers. You should maintain tongue strokes while doing so.

You might have seen and met her. She’s the woman who is self-employed, doing the thing she loves, and making a living off of it. She’s the woman who might have decided to have a normal career, with a twist. It’s the type of career she enjoys and she is actually appreciated for the hard work and hours she puts into it. When she speaks, others listen, even the men in her office with overinflated egos. Her job almost never feels like work and is deeply fulfilling. It doesn’t cost her energy; she gets energy from it. When she wakes up, she can’t wait to get started with her day. So, if you’re a heterosexual man, revolutionize the way you think about sex! The goal of it is not to have a sex with your partner, but to make her needs come first. Just take, for example, the very act of sex! Men get almost all pleasure from penetration, but women can do better off without it. Penetration, in fact, will almost never lead to female orgasm.Shortform note: Kerner recommends continuing your tongue strokes throughout your partner’s orgasm to ensure that you’re giving her a complete experience. This tip is important to keep in mind as men often get distracted and rush through their partner’s orgasm with the expectation that she’ll perform oral sex on them next. Many women report having had this experience and deem it one of the biggest turn-offs.) After-Play

The first one you know well. The second one is the cunnilingus and it’s a six-stage procedure. The last one follows the female orgasm. And is the only stage where intercourse comes in question. Never Forget These Three Assurances Kerner recommends a few more advanced moves that you may want to consider integrating at this time: Shortform note: Before the first kiss, Kerner says you should give your partner a final burst of anticipation with pursed kisses on her vulva, potentially through her panties. While Kerner only briefly mentions using panties as a barrier to build anticipation, sex experts highly recommend this step. They also add that before removing her panties, you should ask your partner for her consent to do so. They elaborate that some women might want to keep their panties on throughout cunnilingus, especially if they have a highly sensitive clitoris.) You can stimulate each of these parts during sex for maximum pleasure, but you’ve got to set the stage and plan on the right acts, which is what you’ll learn next. Lesson 3: Don’t just think of sex in terms of foreplay and intercourse, it’s about foreplay, coreplay, and moreplay. Kerner explains that foreplay can be an extended process that starts to build sexual tension hours before a sexual encounter. This was a newer idea in 2003 when She Comes First was published, as foreplay had previously been considered the sexual activities that come immediately before sex. Since the book’s publication, other sex experts have developed Kerner’s concept of foreplay even further.

“She Comes First” Quotes

Researchers from Northwestern University explain that rhythmic activity causes us to enter a trance-like state where the combination of intense focus and repeated motion forms neural pathways (highways for nerve signals) between different parts of the brain. They theorize that rhythm is what causes orgasm because with each repeated motion, neural pathways are extended and nerve signals reach further and further until the orgasmic threshold is reached. However, research in the area is very limited and this theory has yet to be proven.

Fun, informative, and easy to read “ She Comes First”is a virtual encyclopedia of female pleasure, portraying techniques which prove why sex is fun for both partners. Shortform note: Kerner notes that you should engage in foreplay for at least 10-15 minutes before your female partner will be sufficiently aroused, and research seems to mostly corroborate these claims. Researchers asked 152 heterosexual couples to report on how long they wanted foreplay to last and how long their foreplay actually lasted. On average, women wanted 19 minutes of foreplay and reportedly spent 11. Men wanted an average of 18 minutes of foreplay and reportedly spent 13. The average amount of time spent, 12 minutes, falls within Kerner’s 10-15 minute range.) Cunnilingus Because, unfortunately for women, as James Brown sang, “ It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World”. Which, translated in the language of sex, means much more pleasure for men than for women. Kerner explains that women can orgasm repeatedly, so once she’s achieved her first orgasm, you can move on to other forms of sexual play that will make you orgasm as well. However, before moving on, give her a few minutes to cool down. To do this, return to foreplay activities—kiss her, embrace, and share soft touches.Written by Amy Sohn. Who, in case you don’t know, is a great columnist and a well-received author of erotic novels. And – in this case, even more importantly – a woman!